DON'T DELETE HIS NUMBER

This one sounds a little weird, but hear me out.

Often in this game that we call dating, you'll get phone numbers from random guys who you've spoken to, and have found that you have something in common with. The tendency is that once you stop talking to this person, you delete the number, right? Don't.

It's happened to me on more than a few occasions, and one in particular, that I deleted the number of someone who let's say, was cheezed off at me because he was TOTALLY not my type, but apparently he thought I was his.

As my story begins, I met this dude online. He was very good looking in his picture, and built like a brick shithouse. After speaking with him on the phone, I noted that he was also very intelligent. So after talking a few times on the phone, we decided to meet for drinks at a restaurant.

Wow...I've NEVER had anyone lie so blatantly about his appearance. Ever. If it wasn't for the fact that he's so tall, I would never have recognized him. The guy in the picture, as I said before, was very good looking. Tall, well manicured, well put together dude with dark hair and clear blue eyes. The man walking toward me was tall. Period. Besides that, he had this mop of completely grey hair that looked like it hadn't seen a comb or brush or any kind of hair product in weeks! As for his clothing, I could safely say that this dude had probably just crawled out of a dumpster. I was stunned speechless to say the absolute least. (Like I said before...completely unusual for me.)

As he approached me, I held out my hand to shake his and said "Greg?" He smiled at me. Oh God...it is him. I could feel the planet spinning. He hugged me, smiling. And why the hell shouldn't he smile? He'd won the lottery here! And he totally conned me! I could feel the anger welling up inside my chest.

We went inside. I couldn't tell you how I got there, because I honestly don't remember walking in.
He sat at the table across from me. Dear God. I just kept looking at his face, trying to keep the look of disdain and puzzlement off of mine. I had one quick apple martini (my favorite), and made some excuse about finishing a report and getting up early.

He walked me to my car, and tried to hug me. UGH!! I drove home, thinking the entire way, "What the hell was that???" I called my best friend, and vented the whole ride home. When I got back to my computer, I was so pissed off, that I logged in to the site that I'd met him on, and deleted my profile. Had enough.

The next morning, I get a message on my cell phone from "Sasquatch". He actually had the stones to leave me a message! Anyway, he was choked because he'd gone back online, and wasn't able to find my profile. He automatically assumed that I'd blocked him, and went into a tyrade on my voicemail about how my "skin tone is different than it is in your picture". ARE YOU F****** SERIOUS BUDDY? I didn't even bother returning his call in any way shape or form. I just wanted to wash off the stink of that date (and that man) and move on. I deleted his phone number, and didn't think any more about it.

About two weeks later, I'm driving home from work, and my cell phone starts ringing. I look at the call display (that some genius female must have invented), and I see a phone number, but I don't recognize it, as everyone that I know is in my address book. Very rarely does a phone number, and not a name come up on my phone. So I pick it up (against my better judgement I should also say).

At first, I didn't recognize the voice. Until he said his name. "Greg". WTF??? This time, I don't hide my disdain for this dude, and he can hear it. I said, "I thought that my skin tone was so different in my picture, that I'd never hear from you again?" He said that he was just kidding in the message that he left. Whatever dude. I went on to tell him that the picture that he had posted (and was STILL up btw), didn't look a damn thing like him, and he should be ashamed to be conning women into meeting him under the guise of looking like the man in the picture. Silence. Then I added, "And for God's sake, lose my number. I can't believe that you even had the balls to call me. The only reason that I answered the phone, is because I deleted yours." Then I hung up.

DON'T DELETE HIS NUMBER. At least that way, when the guy that you NEVER want to hear from again calls, you'll know not to pick it up.

MARRIED MEN

Okay Single Girls;

I think that I tend sometimes to base the things that I write about on what's going on in my life at that moment. Thanks to a phone call that I received yesterday, today's topic is Married Men and the Single Girl.

NO...I do not condone getting into ANYTHING, not even coffee with a married man. He brings WAAAYYYY too much drama, and personally, I'm not interested in being some dudes' spare. Add to that the fact that I'm hot huge on sharing, and there you have it.

Anyway...I digress.

A few months ago, I had one date with this guy. I'll call him Jim. Jim and I went for drinks at a restaurant...had a few laughs, and some intelligent conversation. Our night ended at about 11:30 when we left the restaurant, he going his way, and me going mine.

Fast forward two weeks later, when "Jim" calls me, wondering if I'd like to see him again. I'm not thinking anything of this question, and I'm actually about to say, "maybe", until he goes on to say that maybe he could come over to my place for "lunch". Now...I work during the week and so does he. As it happens, I work fairly close to where I live, and occasionally, I'll go home for lunch. He knows this. So this "lunch" request set off some serious alarm bells in my head. "Jim" thinks that I'm too stupid to see that this lunch time request is his convenient way of 'getting some' at a time that his wife won't miss him. WIFE??? That was about two months ago. Keep in mind, that "Jim" still hasn't come out and said that he's married. I don't need him to. My gut's telling me that this dude's got something to hide.

Yesterday, "Jim" called again. Why? I'm wondering this myself. So I picked up the phone, and within the first 15 seconds of hearing his voice, I had to ask. "Are you married?" Silence. I knew it. He tried to give me some lame story about going through a separation, but dude...if that were true, you could have said it the first time we met. Now, I'm just not buying it. We're done.

Now...I'm single. Which gives me the perogative to do whatever the hell I please, with whomever I choose to do it. But I WOULD NOT, and WILL NOT EVER have ANYTHING to do with a married man. I know exactly how it feels to be at the other end of that relationship, and I won't have anything to do with destroying another female that way. Ever.

Single Girls, if a man wants to come over to your place for anything at lunchtime some day, when he's supposed to be at work (unless you already know his life), he has something to hide. He wants to come over at lunchtime because that's when his wife thinks that he's at work, so he has no explaining to do. She doesn't have any idea that he wasn't out with the boys at lunchtime. Single men don't have these issues.

Drama follows the married man and quite frankly, the ones who are looking to cheat don't give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves. There are plenty of men out there who aren't already attached. Shake off the married dude, and go get one of those.

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This is FUN!

It's Friday night, the end of the work week, and this single girl is ready to get out and have some fun. I've had more than one offer of company for this weekend, and geez...the decision was actually difficult (yeah, I know...it's a hard life), but I made a date with Jake and we decided to head down to the beach for dinner, then drinks, and whatever comes after...comes after.

He picked me up just after 7. Tossled dark hair (I have a thing for tall dark haired dudes with blue or green eyes), cool khakis , and an A&F tee. I'm speechless...which anyone who knows me will tell you, is Very rare.

We headed down to the beach, found parking, and surprise, surprise! Jake not only whipped out a blanket, but a picnic basket too! Now...you have to know this guy to get the full gist of how UNUSUAL this is. But I'm gonna try not to question it out loud. I'm just lovin' it. He spread the blanket, and unpacked the basket. We must have sat on that thing for about 3 hours, eating and talking...enjoying each other's company. Now, I've only known Jake for about 2 months, and so far, we get along really well. He's gorgeous, has a great job (meaning he makes really good money), and is quite personable on a social level. But the one thing that I hadn't had a chance to learn about Jake up to this point, is that he's actually a very intelligent guy. Now I'm actually interested. Intelligence, girls, is a major turn on. Regardless of how good looking he is, if he's dumb as a hairbrush, I'm out. My eyes'll glaze over, and it's hometime in a heartbeat.

Now, Jake's hot and smart and all, and he'd probably make a great "Mr. Right Now", but I should tell you that I'm not really interested in having a 'boyfriend' at this point. I was in a long term relationship that ended a few months ago, and I have to admit that I'm totally enjoying this dating thing. I mean, it's a new guy every weekend! If I'd known it was this much fun, I'd have ditched what's-his-nose a LONG time ago!

It's all about having FUN girls :)

"The Four Man Plan"

I just finished reading this book called "The Four Man Plan". The book is about what I've learned to do in my dating life...date more than one man at a time in order to increase the odds of finding "Him". (I'm not looking for "Him" at the moment, but the dating concept is the same.) Oh...c'mon now...don't be like that. The guys do it. Why can't we? (I love this book. It really makes total sense. I've already loaned it to a friend :)

I keep at least 4 men in my list (I call it 'stacking'). That way, if one acts up, or turns out to be a total dud (the way they so often do), you've got at least three to fall back on. The key words here would be "at least". I've had up to seven going at once, but I don't recommend it, as it can get really confusing!

You'll need to have more than just a mental list, because it can be difficult keeping track of which conversation you've had with whom...who does what for a living, etc. If you are going to 'stack' them (the men) make sure you catch yourself before you say the words, "Oh...I could have sworn that I had that conversation with you." It makes them start thinking about exactly who you might have had that conversation with, and what it is that you're doing (and who you're with) when they're not with you :)

Dating's Supposed To Be Fun Girls!

I get into a fair number of conversations in which I'll have women tell me about how dating is so very stressful. If dating is stressful girls, don't do it!

Dating is supposed to be the time in a relationship where there is no stress (I honestly believe that). Doing this dating thing shouldn't give us anxiety. It's the one thing in your life that you shouldn't need to worry about, outside of "Is this dress too short". If the person that you're dating stresses you, regardless of how long you've been with that person, be done with him. Life is full of other things that will stress you. You won't miss this one.

Some of us are stressed by the concept of dating. The very thought of finding Mr. Right is the whole reason that we stress! I know lots of single women who stress about finding 'That Dude', because they're in their 30's and their "clocks" are ticking, they get all nervous and sweaty before going on a date.

Dating shouldn't make you sweat sweetheart. Dating should excite you! The thought of meeting someone new, experiencing a new, possibly awesome personality should make you happy (yeah, yeah...I know. Sounds totally corny, but very true). THAT'S what dating is all about. It's about going out and having fun with someone that you've never experienced before...period. Nothing more, nothing less. If it turns into something more...GREAT! That's icing. If not, at the very least you will have had a great time, with someone who could very possibly stay in your life as a good friend.
If not, what-ev...keep movin' :)

The Single Girl’s 10 steps to successful dating

There are a few things that we girls need to take into consideration when dating. I’ll admit, some of my advice sounds a little harsh, and I can guarantee you that you won’t hear this from anyone else. I’m gonna give you the real dirt. Pure undiluted honesty…it’s the only way I know how to do it.

Are you ready? Awesome! Read on...

1. Make a list of the qualities that Mr. Right should have. – It sounds dopey, but it really does work. I made a list of all the qualities that “Mr. Right” had to have, and when Mr. Right showed up, he was everything that I had on that list.

2. Make sure that you don’t leave anything out when you make that list. Include EVERYTHING. I know it sounds weird, but it’s like the Universe hears what we wish for, and gives it to us, warts and all. (I know…it’s very “The Secret” but so true). When my Mr. Right came along, he was everything that I had on my list. The one thing that I left OFF of that list is the only thing that he wasn’t. Dude was as cheap as the day is long. Oops...forgot to add that to the list.

3. Be Picky. You’re successful, intelligent, and gorgeous. Why should YOU get the short end of the stick? You need to shoot for the stars girl. Aim high. This lucky dude should at least be gainfully employed, not be living at home with mom and dad, and drive a decent vehicle. That’s not too much to ask. (*Note: Dude doesn't need to be beaten over the head with your opinion of yourself. He'll figure it out.)

4. You’re really into tall guys…so shoot for a tall man. Trust me, the second that you make an exception and date Mr. five foot one, even though it isn’t something that you’d say out loud, you’ll be thinking about Mr. Tall Man every time that you’re with him.

5. In the case of online dating – You strike up an online conversation with some hot dude. Chat with him for a bit. Don’t be in a big hurry to meet face to face. I’ve found that there are a lot of things that you can find out about a person before you’ve ever left the comfort of your desk chair. If you’re not comfortable chatting with him, you probably won’t be comfortable talking to him face to face. Trust me. Been there…done it…burned the tee shirt. Not goin’ back.

6. There are a few categories of male that I won’t give the time of day. If you’re online and someone starts talking to you and he doesn’t have a picture posted, it’s for one of two reasons; he’s severely hideous, or he’s so damned good looking that he’s afraid of being mobbed by every breathing female online. Odds are it’s the first one. If dude can’t produce a picture something’s up. It’s time to say ‘buh-bye’.

7. If you’re chatting with Mr. Maybe Right, and he says something that doesn’t sound quite right, dig deeper. I once started chatting with a really nice guy who was very good looking in his picture, and in the picture, he was wearing glasses. When I asked if he wore glasses for more than just reading, he replied, “I don’t wear glasses.” BIG RED FLAG. So, I dug deeper, only to find out that Mr. Maybe Right had posted a picture that he found in a picture frame as his profile picture. Good thing I chatted with him long enough to find that out. This dude didn't look a damn thing like the picture he posted. Block. Delete. Next.

8. I’ve had a few experiences with face to face meetings with men who were…shall we say…less than honest about their appearance. Either they posted a picture of themselves circa 1990, or they’ve been very creative with their profile details with regard to height and weight. Single girls, if he’s not what he said he is, or if his picture is of someone who’s obviously 20 years younger, be gone. Leave the building. Obviously he had no respect for your time, why should you respect his?

9. I don’t know about you, as far as I’m concerned, the guy who drives a corvette shouldn’t be older than maybe early 30’s. After that age, he’s probably using the corvette to hide his growing bald spot. I had one guy call me when I was on my way to meet him for our date, and tell me that the best place to park would probably be “beside my 'Vette”. I was instantly turned off. I should have listened to my gut. Turned out, dude was about 45 years old, and a harsh ‘brand name dropper’, constantly talking about how much he loves to shop , and how he only wears designer stuff. That was a bigger turn off than the car was.

10. If you’re not attracted to him, and he’s telling you that he’s “holding off all these other chicks because I wanna see where this goes with you”, run. Run far, and run fast. He can feel that you're not into him, so he's gonna play like he's doing you a favor by "holding off all these other chicks." He’s bluffing. He’s got nothing else, and you’re his last shot. Nice try buddy. Now get ta' steppin'.

Here’s to successful dating!

Copyright 2008 Single Girls' Guide To Dating All Rights Reserved.